you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize