How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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