No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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