this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
