im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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