I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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