That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
