I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You are the jesus of drinking
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
