i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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