10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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