Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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