I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
