I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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