YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize