Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
