I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize