Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
