grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
