I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
