she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
