I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
