I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
