Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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