Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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