so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
