dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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