I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
