I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
