Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
