Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
