So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
