so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
