At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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