Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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