around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
