accomplished twins. life is a go
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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