Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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