Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
