i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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