she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
