she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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