Say something about gay babies.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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