At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Blood and glitter go together right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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