Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
