seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Are we still banned from the library?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
