That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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