I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
