Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
