hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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