sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
