You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize