Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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