I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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