I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
