I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
