I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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