Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
