You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
