hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
