Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
