he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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