I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
