mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
