Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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