You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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