Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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