yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
