Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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