So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
