Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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