dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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