Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
