And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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