yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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