i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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