yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
