It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
