Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
