We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
