I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize