Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
