Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
