Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
