Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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