woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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