How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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