Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
