Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
