Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
