saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
