I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
