Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
