There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
