that's an acceptable place to lick
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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