Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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