You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
