This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
