are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
