No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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