I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
