He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
