waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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