There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
As shirtless as possible
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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