If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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