Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
