I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
