i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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