But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
