Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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