roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
