He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize