my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
