Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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