some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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